Thursday, December 17, 2009
Reflections
Today marks thirty years since my mom died. In many ways it doesn't seem possible that it has been that long and yet it does seem like forever since I saw here. I have so few memories of being with her, I was only 9 when she got sick, and only a handful of pictures. It's why I have always written letters to Ryan throughout the year and made sure that we have pictures with Mommy and Daddy. I started to write Erik as we started the adoption process. How I would love to have something in her handwriting that told me how she felt about me, that told me more about her. There are so many things I would have loved to share with her throughout my life, but none more than my husband and children. I wonder what our relationship would be like and am sad that there are relationships that are broken that would sadden her. I wonder if she is with the baby we lost and long for that reunion. I wish I could say that after thirty years I understand God's plan and that everything worked out smoothly. In some ways it feels less clear to me than when I was eleven. But I do know that God is in control, that He is good, that He has taken care of me, and that there is so much better to come. I miss you mom!
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4 comments:
Dear Jane. I read your blog this evening. I could feel your pain when you said you miss her. But I am encouraged that you are not angry with God, but still convinced that He is in control. You are right. He is good, but does not choose to answer the question why. However, His Word does inform us that all things work together for good for those who love Him. We can see that working out in your life as you insure that your children will not be left without a witness to their mother's love. Good for you. I look forward to seeing you and meeting Erik. Hugs Rich
Jane, Thank you for sharing your feelings around the loss of your mom. I know how hard this time of year can be for so many, and I can relate to your feelings of loss and sadness about broken relationships. You honor your mother and her memory each and every day in the way that you care for yourself, your children, and your husband, and through the kind of friend that you are. I hope that you are able to honor your loss, find solace in your beautiful family, and celebrate the gifts in your life. You deserve every happiness. Eve
Written from a mother's heart. You are such a gift to Harvey, Ryan and Erik, Jane. You are giving to them what you wish had been given to you. We have no control over others' choices, but we do have control over our own. I read this morning in My Utmost for His Highest, "The idea is not that we do work for God, but that we are so loyal to Him that He can do His work through us---"I reckon on you for extreme service, with no complaining on your part and no explanation on Mine." God wants to use us as He used His own Son."
The 'no explanation on His part' is the more difficult for us to fathom, I think. The concept is known as faith!
On a lighter note, Erik wants to come back and visit. He carefully placed one of his toys under the stove, way back, so you didn't see it when you made your 'mother sweep'. So come and get it!!!!!!!! Love, MIL
Thanks Jane,
your family blog is gift not only to your own family but to others as well. God bless. Peace, Michael
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