The Wait

 We found a fun little park on Friday.  What a gorgeous Feb. afternoon!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 So Harv and Ryan are at the monster truck show tonight.  I felt it was a ‘once in a lifetime’ event, no need to do it again, so Erik and I stayed home.  Erik was pretty good about staying home with me…until someone had to mention taking the train!  So I upped the perks of staying home with me: bubble bath, ice cream AND watching Olivia.  I couldn’t be happier sitting here in my warm house with a cup of tea and Erik sound asleep. 

Well, it seems I am going to need to add a few more projects to get done before Kimmy comes home.  I haven’t talked about all of that for a while because I can barely do it anymore.  It’s incredibly difficult to know that there is absolutely nothing you can do to advocate for your child.  We, along with many other parents, just have to wait with no time frame and no information on what is happening.  We could find out tomorrow afternoon (Korea’s Mon. morning) that things have started up again (a very happy birthday to me) or it could me another month, two months,…At this rate, with so many ahead of us, 2012 might not even happen for us.  It’s starting to not feel real anymore.  I found a cute little 2T winter dress on sale and my first thought was that it would be easy to fit in a Ziplock.  My FIRST thought was that she wouldn’t be here next fall/winter to wear it.  It’s beyond tragic.  I’ve seen a lot comments on the adoption message boards about people getting wiped out.  For instance, people joking that their child was going to come home and go straight into kindergarten or come home and they would have to start paying for college.  I think the part that is so painful about those kind of ‘jokes’ is that it shows that many people don’t get this whole adoption thing.  Would it be funny if their biological child was apart from them for months or years and they couldn’t do anything about it?   I was asked about when Kimmy was coming last summer.  I explained that we were in for a long wait and the response was, “Oh, well.”  You know, like when that pretty sundress you bought is backordered.  I can’t explain how or why I love this little girl so much already.  All we have is a short video and some very cute photos.  We have stats.  We know how tall she is, the number of teeth she has, and that she likes to tear apart books.  She has no connection to us.  She doesn’t love us or think about us.  But I think about her from the moment I wake up until I finally fall asleep.  I think about the first time I get to meet her and about playing dolls and giving her my dollhouse.  She’s ours. 

It makes me think about my Father.  About how He saw me.  I didn’t think about Him or love Him.  I did nothing for Him to love me.  “This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God.” (1 John 4:10) My love for our daughter is a beautiful reminder of how my heavenly Father loved me and adopted me into His family. 

 

So, we wait.  And I start Ryan’s kindergarten photo book.